9-2-13

The weekend is over and thankfully I’m not as sad as I thought I would be.  Four days of being away from work didn’t seem like enough when my vacation began but thankfully I was able to get what I needed out of my time off.

I don’t know if I’ve flatly declared that I hate my job…again.  This a different one from the one I ranted about back at the beginning of 2013.  In my time spent at the current time sucking temple of degeneration I’ve learned a few things.

1.  Don’t take everything you experience at face value.  My boss has a serious psychological problem.  He has told himself (and from my perspective of him, now firmly believes) that the work of his subordinates is directly attributable to his human value.  Therefore if I do something wrong he tends to assume that I just don’t care about the quality of my work and I am dangerously close to making his world collapse.  As a result he has a tendency to focus only on my mistakes with verbal badgering and ridiculous claims that I do not take pride in my work and he is paying me too much.  I’ve also never received positive feedback if I do something correctly.  All of these things have caused me deep emotional anguish and before this weekend I had no desire to return to work there because of the strain it is putting on my mental health.

2.  Help the people around you see they are valued and their opinion matters.  When I say value I do not mean in the sense of “How can I use this person to my advantage to make my own life more comfortable?”  I bring this second point up because it will be the life or death of your workplace.  When you work in an environment where you were simply a cog in a machine.  Where you weren’t paid attention to as long as you carried out your role.  You were never greased (given positive instruction) or inspected (evaluated to know whether you were carrying out your role correctly).  Over time, you would expect this cog to wear out and no longer carry out its assigned function.  Should the machine operator (your boss) be surprised that the cog (you) wore out and failed?  I would think not.

3.  Just because you may not be the best at one thing doesn’t mean you aren’t the best at another.  We all have weaknesses, but we are all not weak in the same places.  Likewise with our strengths.  My encounter with this concept came abruptly when my boss alluded to the fact that I had no common sense and that in any other role in the company I would be incapable and nearly useless there as well.  To counteract this I simply had to tell him (in my mind) to fuck off.  The moral is that you have believe and respect people to get them to contribute to your collective goals.  If you come off as someone who won’t look you in the eye when you converse and that you only care about how they perform because it makes you look better or increases your paycheck then why would anyone care to work with you?

In conclusion, my boss may never realize these things because he’s too deep into his own prideful beliefs to feel or know that how he’s treating people is his greatest problem.  There’s little I can do for him other than pray that he accepts God’s attempts to work in his life.  All I can do is pray and look for a different job.

3-6-13

The times they are a changin’

For me there has been significant change this week. I submitted my resignation at work. My boss didn’t seem to be too phased by it as if he expected it to happen which only served to reinforce my decision. It’s truly a shame that companies operate under guise claiming to care about their employees during the hiring process and then proceeding to give zero shits about them once they’re on board.

I hope that the next move I make will be a lasting one. I really don’t want to jump from job to job but what else could a person expect when they are left on an island to handle a workload better suited for 2 or more people? If you add in the fact that the work you did will be scrutinized by people on a regular basis with little to no positive feedback, what do you get?
A disgruntled employee, that’s what.

I don’t really know what the long term answer is. All I know is if I’m going to spend 24% of my time on an annual basis I had better find something I like to do.

Reflections of my world

My week is over.  It’s time to look back and see what I learned.

I had to do a job this week which deep down I really don’t care for.  I was tempted by a student in my class, an adult, to drop my job duties and come to work intoxicated the next day.  It was an appealing proposal but I don’t have the conscience to act on such an impulse.  I would be curious to see how things would turn out but I do not think I could bear the guilt of my decision.  I automatically think of my mother and father, grandparents, and others who have sacrificed much for me to be where I am and I would bring them such shame.

I still yearn to cause chaos without consequence some days.

 

In my personal time I discovered how awful the effects of being on Cymbalta have been for MANY MANY people.  The website http://www.cymbaltawithdrawal.com revealed their accounts to me.  After reading only about a dozen of the threads I can say with total resolve that I am glad I am not as messed up as some of those people are.  Deep down I pity every single one of them but I also feel relief in knowing that I am fortunate enough to have escaped the clutches of this SNRI with my health mostly in tact.  I still deal with the residual presence of it in my body and it is unknown how long it will take for my liver to be able to break it all down, but the hard part is over and for that I am thankful.

My cup overflows.

 

I lost touch with a woman whom I care about very much.  Perhaps it’s just my point of view but I cannot seem to get back on her wavelength and she doesn’t appear to want to get closer to mine either.  I wish for once that she (and every other girl I’ve proposed a relationship to) was more selfless every now and then.  It would be really nice to have her ask “How did your day go?” or “How are you feeling?” first instead of getting to it after I initiate the conversation.  I don’t know.  Maybe I’m going about it all wrong by asking first.

I’m frustrated about this but I have no control over what she or any other girl does.  I could rant on and say a bunch of nasty words but I think I’ll just wait and see what happens tomorrow instead.