Can’t stop

I can’t lie to myself about this anymore.

I can live without my medication but it seems it would be better described as existing.  Existing is all I was able to do in high school.  People praised me for my achievements same as they do now but it doesn’t instill confidence within me.  It doesn’t make me optimistic. It doesn’t leave me wanting to live more.

I’m back here again asking myself the same questions about how I got here.  Did I sustain an injury as a child that fostered the way for my adult depression? Did I lack nutrition at a certain stage that caused my brain to develop with greater cognitive function but lesser social skills?  Was it simple gene expression that couldn’t be avoided no matter if I had developed differently or not?

No answers.  They don’t matter really unless one of them could explain what I could do differently to permanently reverse my condition.

I have to say I’m sorry to my readers.  I really don’t wish to provide you with doom and gloom posts all the time.  I sincerely wish I could write with more positivity and inspiration you could use in your own lives.

I hurt though, and I am physically tired of it.