3-12-13

I’ve been off of cymbalta now for about 5 weeks.  I still get headaches every once and again and the cervical lymphodenopathy has yet to subside fully but I am feeling better than I ever have before without the drug.  I see the commercials on TV and I can’t help but feel sorry for all the people who have been prescribed Cymbalta because they will feel better for a while but sooner or later the devil comes out of the details and tries to beat the soul out of you.

I wonder if I would be where I am if I had been able to get off of it sooner.  Would I have made the same decisions? Would I still be at the job I had straight out of college?  Would things be better?  Maybe so.

One thing is for certain and that is I am more thankful for what I have because of the burden I was chosen to bear.  As much I have been hurt, saddened, and angered by the last 9 years I have been humbled by it all.  I don’t think a person can have too much humility.

Humility is the source of greatness.  Try to think of any person you admire or a great historical leader.  Were they proud or were they humble?  Humility leads to selflessness.  Sow humility and it will yield greatness.

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Theatre of pain

I’ve know this road. I’ve been down it before. It is hard to traverse and it is hard to carry on.  A lot of people like to look back at their lives on New Year’s eve but for me it only adds to the sorrow in my soul.  Ive said to myself and others before that if we didn’t have bad days we wouldn’t know when to be thankful for the good ones.
I had many a good day in my 25th year but I cant help but remember how many bad ones I had too.  The bad swallows the good.
I lie in physical pain as my body reacts to the drug withdrawal. It occupies the seats on my passenger train of thoughts and I struggle to relax enough for sleep. I know I will be free of it someday but for now I wish it would go away.
I lose ground in my belief that this war within will be over in 6 months when I feel as physically sick as I do. I should probably be more realistic in my estimation. 6 months to let your brain, liver, and lymph system recover after you’ve poisoned it for 8.5 years probably isn’t enough time.
I know this road. I’ve been down it before. One foot in front of the other.