A thought crossed my mind today. One which pioneered its own line on the thought train railroad. “Maybe my heart is too big to give to just one person?”

For most of my life I have been alone. I have difficulty trusting people, especially women, to provide sanctuary from the grief in my own soul. I have my reasons. Being cheated on when you pour your heart into someones life is painful. The emotional pain fades with time but the psychological scars run deeper for me than anything else.

She got married a short while ago I heard. Im happy for her but I hope shes learned how to keep a promise.

Even after all that I still want to be able to show someone how much they are loved. I want to show them how much they are needed. I don’t want them to walk the emptiness of a house night and day as I have.  At the same time though I do not feel any of this will be enough to fulfill her and she will quit on me…just as they all have before.

So what if my thought is true? What if my heart is too big for one person? Should I leave this life behind and serve the poor? Should I love them instead as our Lord loves us all?