5-8-13

Another day passes but not without struggle.  It has been one of those days where I feel I would rather have my life be over.  I was attacked all day long by difficulty and strife in my work.  I could seem to do no right.  Such vicious patterns bring me so close to hopelessness and envelope in me in such a deep depression that not only can I not hardly breathe, but I do not want to breathe any longer.

As a Catholic I profess that my suffering is meaningful; that it is not in vain.  Days like today make me question this though.  I suffer so deeply without reprieve with nothing to show for it on the outside.  Nobody outside of me can see (nor understand) that my poor performance is because I am fighting a war with my own mind just to keep living.  Even if they could see, I feel there would be no sympathy.

All I really want is somebody or something to take this cross away from me forever.

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